Sunday, April 24, 2011

Mirror Pond

This will be a life update blog with a few current events sprinkled in for good measure. I have so much to talk about, I really don't know where to begin. How about this: I just got back home (to Oregon) from a week-long vacation visiting family on the east coast, and let me tell you, it was exhausting. I feel bad for what I'm about to say, especially since there's a slight chance some of my family will read this (doubtful though, since I've been writing poems/blogs/short stories online for many years now and none of them seem to notice).

I should probably add an "in their defense" to what I just said in parentheses. In their defense, it's probably a good thing they don't read everything I write. I am well aware that some of the stories and poems I write are not G-rated, and quite often I tend to test peoples' emotional and personal boundaries, but all I really want is for them to recognize that I've dedicated myself to something my entire life and have actually become quite good at it. I love to write, I always have. Since the words of early encouragement from my favorite English teacher, Mrs. Lickey, the writer's bug has been moving around inside of me and has continued to crawl, and to this day it's the one thing I never let go of.

A short list of things I'm not good at:
  • long-term relationships (I'm 34 years old, once divorced, no kids, girlfriends come & go)
  • amassing large amounts of money and fame (I make 45k a year dumping garbage cans)
  • accepting modern day society (capitalism, consumerism, etc) as the one true path for humans
  • accepting any one religion as the one true path into a heaven that may/may not exist
  • voting for a President that will actually make a difference
  • believing in a government that will do the same
  • keeping abandoned newborn kittens alive (I tried, it died, and I cried)
I'm assuming that if I focused on one, some, or all of these things, I might actually gain the recognition I feel I deserve. It is deeply ingrained in us (as humans) to breed and make families, to work jobs and pay bills and taxes, to purchase homes and vehicles and clothes and motorcycles and boats and TV's and jewelry and furniture and take vacations abroad, to mix & mingle with the rest of our species, to worship a god and believe in an afterlife, to create business and commerce, to create laws and to govern accordingly, etc. I get it, this is what we have become, but I make no apologies when I say I don't buy into it. Not all of it, not 100%.

The people who do, however, tend to frown on those who don't. And this brings me back to my opening paragraph and why my vacation was so exhausting. The members of my family simply do not get along, and this past week was a trying experience for all of us. Outside of the nest, we seem to do okay with each other, but the moment we find ourselves back inside the nest... look out! Feathers ruffle, loud squabbles ensue, beaks are sharpened, the pecking begins, and finally one bird gets pushed out to make room for a winner. I think it's best if each of us simply fly around our own trees most of the time, occasionally dropping in for a visit.

Without placing blame squarely on the shoulders on any one individual, I wish everyone could step back for a moment and see what role they play in the scheme of things. Life isn't about money, possessions, or status, and it's not always about you either. It's about others. Adopting a self-centered lifestyle can only assure one thing: when you find yourself at a point in life where you need someone to be there for you, you may find yourself all alone. If you continuously shift focus onto you, it makes it hard for others to feel comfortable enough to open up around you. You aren't experiencing the people in your life to their fullest. And if you have a short fuse and allow things in life to anger you easily, the verbal display of rage that follows becomes a warning sign for others: steer clear at all costs! (It only takes one eruption to scare away an entire village.) And if you feel you have the solution to how other people should live or could better enrich their lives, based upon your own experiences or beliefs, be prepared for backlash and feelings of resentment, even if you are correct in your conjecture. Don't obsess on or pick apart the failures or shortcomings that you see in yourself or others, instead recognize their beauty and offer encouragement and nourishment to the soil in which it grows. And if you find it impossible to forgive and forget, or to acknowledge false blame placed on people instead of an unfavorable chronological order of birth, then you are cursed to live a life of constant angst and misguided anger.

I didn't finish college, and I sure as shit didn't educate myself in psychology or sociology, but I do recognize many of the problems humans have with one another, in my own family as well as others. I recognize many of my own faults too, and find it equally difficult in dealing with them as everyone else does their own. For example: I am a loner, I distance myself from those who care about me. I spend so much time pondering and writing about the world and the people in it, that I sometimes forget they really exist. I look around and I generally get discouraged with what I see. I've adopted an apathetic attitude to almost everything and cynicism runs through my bones like marrow. I am not an architect or a construction worker, yet I've managed to erect these giant walls that enclose me. I cower inside them with my stories and poems, sharing them with others at a safe distance using a keyboard and the click of a mouse. I do not possess very much self worth, even though I am fully aware of my kind heart and over-all love for others as I firmly adhere to the golden rule. I am a walking/talking, writing/fighting contradiction of myself.


Holy shit, if that wasn't my biggest blog digression yet, I'd be very surprised. I truly did not intend to write so much about that, I only wanted to "briefly" mention the family turmoil and "quickly" move on to the good stuff. Now I fear no one will want to read any further, seeing how this blog is becoming a novel. I'm sorry, dear reader(s).

So check it out, if you read my previous blog entry you already know that I like to focus my creativity on things for my nephew, Kayden, when I can. Leading up to my vacation I had been working on a comic book project for him as well, which I have scanned into my computer and will share with you below. I gave it to him in person, and to say he loved it would be an understatement, which of course made it all worth while:
"The mirror pond is a magical place where dinosaurs can go and see their face. It is told that any dinosaur who drinks from the mirror pond, will stay refreshed forever!"

                                        "And so, Hefty & Lefty begin their journey..."

So there you go, the very first comic book I've ever drawn in my life. I must say, it was a lot of fun to do and I'm really glad I did it, but being an artist is definitely not where my talents lie. I was surprised at how hard it was to sketch out those little dinosaurs over & over, trying to get them right each and every time. And if you want to know how I came up with the mirror pond idea, well that's easy (for those of you familiar with Oregonian brew):
Alright, I gotta wrap this up, and I didn't even get to any of the current events I wanted to discuss/poke fun at. Next blog, I promise. Now go away and enjoy your day!


  1. You are awesome. It about time you wrote a book...even if it is a comic book. You are wise, kind, and hilarious. If somebody hasn't said it yet I will...You rock. Write on;)

  2. Thank you so much, your comment leaves me trembling with pleasure, but... Who are you?

  3. Mosh...pit. XD

    This post brought to surface some thoughts and ideas...I might have to do some writing of my own.
    I love your passion for writing. Just so you know. :)

  4. Thank you, Becki! You're me bff blogger, I appreciate you.


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