I am still single, still living in the same ghetto place, still driving my ex-girlfriend's car (ugh..). None of that has changed. I recently became debt free (which I discussed in a past blog) and now I'm thinking about moving into my own apartment or renting a nicer house with my friend, Comcast Steve. He wants to move right away, I want to wait another month or so and let my bank account build back up. Not sure what's going to happen there, I'm a little hesitant about sharing a living room and kitchen with another human being after living alone for so long. I was going to type "after being alone for so long", but that would've been two "beings" back to back. Anyway, I'll keep you posted on that shit.
I stopped writing poetry, haven't written a poem for several weeks now. This was an unexpected occurrence seeing how I fucking love writing poetry and I've been doing it ever since grade school. I'm still a little perturbed over how it all went down, here I'll explain. I have a friend on allpoetry.com that will sometimes feature a poem of mine from time to time (or at least I think it's her doing it). What this means is that a poem I write gets plastered on the main page of the website for all to see and read. Basically, it's a glorified way of getting lots of attention. I never feature my stuff, but once in awhile some of my poems get featured and then waves of comments come crashing in. Typically they're all positive remarks with a few constructive criticisms sprinkled here and there, but this last time around I got a comment that drilled deep into my core and stayed there. In summary I was told that I'm a knock-off poet, that I bring nothing new to the table, and until the day I can write something fresh and unique I should stop writing altogether.
Words are very powerful. Like a lure being cast out into a pond, on the surface all you see is a ripple where it lands, but underneath there's a lot more happening. A game ensues between man and fish. Two different species from two separate worlds come together in a match of wit and hunger. A plastic jig bobs and skitters, zigs & zags across the pond bed. Around rocks and logs and batches of algae it pretends to be something else in the hopes of tricking a nearby fish. This is the same game being played between writers and readers. For the most part I write for myself first and foremost, but I do realize the things I write gets read by others, and as a writer I can't help thinking about that. Knowing this I do try to remain creative and funny, daring and heartbreaking, all with the intent to avoid being boring or deceiving to my readers. I'm the fisherman in the boat casting my words out to you, trying to manipulate them in such a way that attracts those who are hungry for the words.
Words are very powerful. That guy's comment stuck inside my crawl. It made me feel as though I'm not doing any of this right. Now when I sit down in front of my laptop in my stupid little chair all I do is swivel in circles and think about who inspires me and how deeply their work is reflected in my own. I stare at the blank screen and the words just don't come. No more poetry? I dunno, maybe not for awhile. Eventually I'm sure I'll stop thinking about it and the poems will flow again, but for now I'll focus on writing short stories. I'll use this break from poetry in a positive manner, I'll still be productive. I'll give you something to chase underwater, don't you worry friends!
Now let's go back to the part about me being single. It's driving me crazy lately! It's been a really long time since my ex and I broke up, which roughly translated means, it's been a long time without human contact and affection. Typically I don't care and I can push through no problem, but for the past month it's been affecting me. The idea of holding a girl's hand or hugging a warm body or kissing soft lips is starting to affect me the same way that comment did. I can't focus anymore. I sit around being lonely and then I race out to the bars to be near people, with the hopes of finding someone.. anyone.. then I come home alone again. My writing is getting back-shelved to my emotions. So now I have two things I have to work my way through, how wonderfully ridiculous! I do love a solid challenge.
I refuse to end this blog with a pity me plea, so instead I will wrap it up by making a list of podcasts that I listen to every day/week. Theses podcasts are what get me through each work week and without them my life would be drastically duller. They are informative and funny, intriguing and enlightening, and they keep my brain synapses firing and the smile on my face throughout the day. They are the good stuff and they can be found on iTunes and I highly recommend the following:
- The Joe Rogan Experience
- The Lavender Hour
- Smodcast (this one is pretty vulgar, but hysterical)
- Common Sense with Dan Carlin
- Hardcore History with Dan Carlin
- The Young Turks
- Culturetopia Podcast
- WNYC's Radiolab
- Stuff You Should Know Podcast
- Double Feature
- This American Life
- TechStuff Podcast
Give these podcasts a try (especially the first two) and if they become a staple part of your week I'd love to hear about it. I'd also love to hear which ones you are listening to, I'm always on the look out for new ear candy. Alright friends, lovers of words, & pond fish... until next blog.